Today, I went to my locker in college. I opened it using my key (as you do), got my things, and locked it again. I then reached up on top of the locker to make sure I’d put my keys back in my pocket. I couldn’t feel them. I stood on my tiptoes to make sure they weren’t sat there. They weren’t.

Fast forward to 30 minutes later when I’ve hopped off the bus and I’m walking the 120 seconds to my front door. I reach into my pocket, and I can’t feel my keys. I spend all of the 120 second walk aggressively searching through my pocket for my keys and, by the time I reach my front door, I realise they’re not there.

Bum.

I ring the doorbell. None of my housemates are in.

Bum.

I text my flat group, to ask if anyone is in Putney or in college. I begin walking across the bridge because I’m pretty sure my friend is at home.

I suddenly get a text from Ben saying he’s on his way home. I ask if he’s close and start walking back towards my house. He’s not close. He’s still in mech eng.

Bum.

He goes to check where my keys are. They’re not there.

Bum.

I turn back towards my friend’s house. He texts me. He’s not there.

Bum.

I walk back to my house. An hour has now passed. I empty the contents of my back pack out onto the street damp street. Did I mention it’s been raining the whole day? Oh look. There are my keys.

Why do I do things?

The other night we had a bonfire at the boat club. Lovely evening, wound up at a pub then went to bed ready for a good nights sleep.

Cut to 4:30am.

I wake up and go to the bathroom. Ben, my housemate, is in the bathroom. What a strange coincidence we both woke up at exactly the same time! He emerges and says, ‘oh did the shouting wake you up too?’.

Me: ‘Err. Maybe? Pretty sure I just needed the bathroom.’

Ben: ‘Oh, well this guy was kicking off. Yelling for Omar over and over, whoever that is.’

So I go to the bathroom and hear the front door open and close. Out I come and I see Ian’s (other housemate) door open and he is gone. I think to myself ‘oh dear maybe something happened and he had to rush somewhere super early!’, and go back to my room thinking I’d find out in the morning. And then the door opens and closes again.

I hear Ian’s voice, and another man’s voice. I was pretty sure it wasn’t Ben, and my suspicions were confirmed when the kettle starts to hiss, because I know that Ben doesn’t really like tea and doesn’t really like being awake at 4:45am. I come out of my room and see Ian standing with a stranger wearing skintight white trousers and black pointy shoes.

Ian: ‘Ren. This is Nathan. He is looking for Omar. He’s going to have a cup of tea and some toast while his phone charges. And then he can call Omar.’

My housemates are awesome.